How Hard is Happy?

The song, ‘Being Pretty, Ain’t Pretty’ by the Pistol Annies takes a playful look at how hard women work to look pretty, and it was this song that made me wonder: how hard is it to behappy?  How much effort do we have to put in?  How much money does it cost?  Why is it easy for some people and not others?

You might think that’s a strange question. Isn’t happiness easy for everyone? Why would anyone even contemplate any difficulties associated with being happy, but for some people happiness is a skill to be mastered. At this point, it’s important to establish that I’m not talking about overcoming depression; I am simply interested in good old fashioned happiness, and why it’s now become a focus for attention, rather than something that just happens in the background.

Self-help books, life coaches, apps and all manner of happiness boosting tools are becoming more and more ubiquitous in the 21st Century.  I know of people who have quit their jobs and created careers telling other people how to be happy.  I have colleagues who’ve spent hundreds employing people to teach them happiness hacks.  The literature available on how to be happy has gone from cringe worthy to cool.  Self hep books no longer lurk self-consciously at the back of book shops, but instead pout proudly in elaborate window displays.  Celebrities are clamouring to give us their take on how to live happy lives, and if you are happiness obsessed like me, you devour their lessons with an insatiable appetite.

If we are to get quite philosophical about it all, perhaps it’s a response to the times we are living in. After all, the modern world is not an easy place to exist.  Convenience has most definitely increased, but at what cost?  Social media has made our world smaller, but it’s also made it possible to create fictional perfect worlds.  Worlds in which we can be whoever we want to be, or more importantly, whoever we think other people want us to be.  We construct our own goldfish bowls, ones in which we are desperate to be viewed in a perfect light, while simultaneously we inspect the lives of our friends, colleagues, exes and enemies. Constantly we compare.  #firstworldproblems

The media, a wonderful conduit for information, knowledge and entertainment informs us, but it also gives the ignorant and the prejudiced, and the downright looney a louder inescapable voice.  How often do we see ‘feel good’ news worthy stories? Is anyone ever excited to see the news, unless they are in it? Every day, in a thousand tiny ways, our happiness is attacked, largely without us ever being aware.  The negative stories, the vile voices, the economy, the state of the planet, the US President, seep into our consciousness through osmosis.  Like a cold, we need strategies to fight it, and all of this brings me to my original question:  how hard is happy? Do we need to stock up on happiness remedies like we do Beechams, and how do we choose the best remedy when there are so many available? Who, or what should we trust with our happiness?

For me, someone who has suffered issues with mental illness, how to be happy was a question I was formerly obsessed with, (now I see it as more of a helpful hobby). I analysed my own emotions and level of happiness, like a difficult maths problem with no solution.  I inhaled articles, and blog posts and websites; I sought out the magic solution.  I listened, enthralled, at other people’s stories of happiness quests, and I became more and more aware that I was not the only one, on this crazy crusade.   I’ve tried to keep gratitude journals; I’ve listened to mindfulness podcasts; I’ve consumed vile aloe vera remedies and I’ve changed my diet, all in the name of happiness, and now, reading this, I can’t help but wonder if happiness has become a little too complicated.

Happiness like so many things depends on so much, and so little.  I have found that for me happiness is not necessarily easy.  My husband has found that happiness is relatively easy; steps I have learnt in therapy come naturally to him, but emotional intelligence does not.  Perhaps, the more emotionally intelligent you are, the less happy you might find yourself, because you’re just too self-aware! Ignorance is bliss, as they say.

Having said all of that, the pursuit of happiness can, and often is, fun, and you can learn a lot.  While I no longer obsess over how to be happy, my quest is not done, it never will be.  I love, love, love Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project’ podcast;  I absorbed, with complete joy, the lessons that Davina McCall has learned, and more than likely I will read Fern Cotton’s new book on this very subject.   The topic of happiness, as this post hopefully demonstrates, is a mysterious and intriguing one.
 

So, how hard is happiness? 

Perhaps the only thing I can say, with any certainty, about happiness is simply: I really shouldn’t take it so seriously.